this is what being complete feels like

the stars are shining so bright 
wait that's just manhattan's light 

it's been twelve hours since i ate 
i think i'm finally losing weight 

mixed up my armor with some knight 
walkin' home wearing his white 
i know what you're gonna say 
no one could love me this way 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way 

he said i could spend the night 
i said thanks but that's alright 
you can paint your number on my face 
but i'm not into sleeping at someone else's place 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way

when brooklyn tossed a bone, it landed in my wishing well 
took the train for hours to this roach motel 
sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's hot 
sometimes he loves me, 
sometimes he loves me not 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way

i got a sad sinking feeling

and i can see her face .

and i imagine that you can too .

when time is most precious and we're at our most vulnerable .

and you can read my mind, and then i wonder what you don't want me to know .

there are things you don't say; everyone has something to hide .

my hands are around her throat and she's an ugly shade of aquamarine. when you're fucking her/me. 

she's always around and i can't get rid of her, no matter how hard i try. 

i'm choking her and she's sputtering and coughing. her eyes look up at me and she's not begging me to stop, she's pushing me on "you can do this".

the hate literally boils in my stomach. nausea hits, it's one thing and another. my hands turn to yours and back. you're never holding on hard enough. you never commit fully enough. 

i don't know you as well as i know her/she knows you. and now i'm wondering is this a trend in your life ?

you

are

so

full

of

shit

drama.

and of course, you're completely oblivious.

boy don't she feel warm tonight.

the only thing keeping her away from complete happiness and peace of mind was her insanity. 

there was always someone there for her. if she accepted it, life could have been handed to her on a silver platter. but she threw the platter back in life's face. she wanted things to be difficult, you can't be an artist without suffering. she worked to ruin her perfect world and in doing so ruined it for her family and friends. 

she started lying to attempt to erase the perfection that could have surrounded her. she started cheating to have something to lie about. she hurt anyone who ever threatened her with the thought of a "perfect" life, a "normal" life. she fought back anyway she knew how; claws out, eyes closed. she always drew blood. 

i contemplate the day we wed

(your friends are boring me to death)

where is everything that i was promised?