"i have suffered the atrocity of sunsets"

stomach to stomach we sleep,

your rhythmic breathing

tells me when to breath.

without you i am restless, worried.

you are smaller, newborn

helpless

when i'm not around.

i'd like to think i'm the mess you'd wear with pride

apparently not.

elevator love letter.

i realize how lucky i am to have you. 

and i want to thank you for your tolerance. 

i realize i can be hard to live with.

and that i can be hard to be friends with. 

and i want to thank you for always being one.

i realize that i can be immature 

and that i can say hurtful things.

and i want to thank you for your trust

and knowing i love you, even when i push you to question it.

i don't know where i would be without you.

don't go, say you'll stay

spend a lazy sunday in my arms

don't take anything away.

necessities of pregnancy :

cheap, black leggings.

oversized shirts and sweaters.

honey-ginger tea.

a box of low-sodium triscuits beside the bed.

folic acid.

books.

bigger bras. 

comfortable bras.

thermos for tea-on-the-go.

(&lots of amazing supportive people. )

it's weird how i just feel like this is going to end in a lie. 

liz phair cover band?

he's got a million dollar car 
he's got a thirty-seven year old guitar 
he's got a family who deals heroin 
you're on the edge of your chair 
and you feel it 
he's looking at you, he's laughing at you 
it's happening 

i can't, i can't believe it 
but it's here on the pages i'm reading 
it's all i can do to conceal my feelings of jealousy 
jealousy 

i know it's just a drawer of photographs 
they're ex-girlfriends, i try to remember that 
i don't wanna look, but i'm already hooked on jealousy 
jealousy 

i can't believe you had a life before me 
i can't believe they let you run around free 
just putting your body wherever it seemed like a good idea 
what a good idea 

standing on the corner watching the ladies pass by 
imagining me behind your eyes 
and what did i see? 
i saw hips, i saw thighs 
i saw secret positions that we never try 
i saw jealousy 
i saw jealousy 

i can't, i can't believe it 
but it's here in this place and i see it 
it's all i can do to conceal my feelings of jealousy 
jealousy 

standing on the mudflats watching the salmon fly 
wonder if i'll ever bury the hatchet inside 
imagining me behind your eyes 
and what did i see? 
i saw hips, i saw thighs 
i saw secret positions that we never try 
i saw jealousy 
i saw jealousy 

i can't believe you had a life before me 
 can't believe they let you run around free 
just putting your body wherever it seemed like a good idea 
what a good idea 

this is what being complete feels like

the stars are shining so bright 
wait that's just manhattan's light 

it's been twelve hours since i ate 
i think i'm finally losing weight 

mixed up my armor with some knight 
walkin' home wearing his white 
i know what you're gonna say 
no one could love me this way 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way 

he said i could spend the night 
i said thanks but that's alright 
you can paint your number on my face 
but i'm not into sleeping at someone else's place 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way

when brooklyn tossed a bone, it landed in my wishing well 
took the train for hours to this roach motel 
sometimes it's worth it, sometimes it's hot 
sometimes he loves me, 
sometimes he loves me not 

i'm bowlegged and starving, but 
walkin' home happy 
let this mark the moment 
when i felt freedom ring 
i've got my laptop for pleasure 
and my guitar for pain 
love's a buried treasure 
but i don't need love to feel this way